True Life: I spilled sardine juice all over my hair on my 5 hour 49 minute flight yesterday

Fun fact: Sardines are an excellent source of vitamin b12, selenium, and Omega 3 fatty acids. They also have a low ecological and environmental impact because they are close to the bottom of the food chain and feed off of plankton.

 

I often pack them on away trips for a nutritious snack.

 

My teammates think I’m weird. I am, and am not sorry about it. But I am sorry about yesterday’s sardine incident:

 

Two hours into our plane ride home from New Jersey, my stomach started rumbling. I rummaged through my backpack for a snack. All I had left was one can of sardines. I was faced with a tough decision. Do I starve myself for the remaining three hours of the flight, or do I open the can and expose my neighbor, 15a,  to a very unpleasant sensory experience. The decision was a no-brainer. I’m an athlete. I needed to feed the beast.

 

I peered over at 15a, and he was napping. Perfect. My plan was to pry open the container,  devour the fish quickly, then immediately seal the lid to entrap the odor, before 15a could bat an eye. I pried open the lid, and as I went to slurp up a sardine, we hit turbulence, and the sardine juice spewed all over my jacket, shirt, and hair. Like all over. I’m convinced 15a either had some sort of nostril defect or was an angel sent from heaven, because when he awoke, he was unfazed. I sat in my sardine-perfumed clothing for the remaining two hours of the flight.

 

When we de-boarded, I forced my teammates to take a whiff of me and asked what I smelt like; “Oh my godddd, you smell like a fish.” Nailed it.  I opened up my arms to give Amandine a hug goodbye. She squealed away from me at first, but like the ever-so-kind teammate she is, she held her breath and squeezed me back. Bless her.

 

I’d like to make a public apology to 15A, my teammates, and all those aboard Alaska Airlines Flight 279 on 6/4/17. I promise to never open a can of sardines on a plane ever again (unless I’m hungry and it’s the only snack I have in my backpack and we have 3 hours left of our flight).

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